So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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