Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
