i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
