He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
