I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
