i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
