Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
