it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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