you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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