Having a random hookup so left but love u
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
