if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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