what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
