i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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