when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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