He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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