I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
