Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
