what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
