I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
