At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
