haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
