I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
