the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
