he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
