I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize