I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
accomplished twins. life is a go
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
