His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
