Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
