I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
