Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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