Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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