Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
