I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
