Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need to align my fucking chakras
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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