Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
