i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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