Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
