I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
