Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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