I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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