Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
