There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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