1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
