i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I love you.
Bad choice
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
