My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
