i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
40s are totally the cure
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
