I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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