My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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