All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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