It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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