Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
