is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
